I know it’s hard and I know you want so badly for the pain to just go away, for the voices to stop, and for the sorrow to end. Please don’t go, please talk to me or someone. I want so badly for you to live, for you to realize your potential and for you to thrive in this life.
I know that it’s dark, I know that sometimes it seems like hardships and sorrow are your companions that you never wanted or asked for; I know because I’ve walked your path and my footprints are there. I’ve been hospitalized four times in the past six years, I’ve heard those voices that you’re hearing: “No one would care if you died” “You’re worthless” “You’re not enough.” It’s like a screaming for help at a death metal concert or in a room full of people and no one is listening.
Someone is listening. Someone wants you to stay, wants to see your face every day, wants to hear your beautiful voice, and feel your presence as it lights up a room with its warmth. You matter to someone, you are the center of their universe and the most important person in their life. You do matter to someone, and they would be devastated if you did not exist.
I know it’s so hard to believe this, to defy the voice that tells you it’s not going to get better. It’s your demon, your Goliath, and your chains. It’s the most powerful force in your life right now it seems. You’re stuck in a loop, a time warp that you cannot break out of. It seems like the sun will never shine on your face and you will never feel it’s glorious warmth.
I know. I hear you. I love you.
That is why I can say this: you are more powerful than the demonic Goliath. You can break those chains as if they were merely paperclips and free yourself from them. All it takes is one tiny piece of hope because you have that. I know you have it because you’ve held on this long, you want so badly to live, to fight, to wake up the next day, to make it to the next minute because you’re afraid of missing something. You are a Warrior. You are filled with a strength that is all your own, that you have garnered because you had no other choice.
It’s so hard to believe that you are strong when all you want to do is cry and give up. Real courage isn’t the absence of fear or tears, you are the man in the arena fighting this lion and he may have his jaws on your arm but you’re not ready to give up. I know you’re not because you’ve made it this far. That lion is weak compared to your will. Please keep going.
But know that you cannot do this alone, you may have a strength but it means nothing if you don’t know how to utilize it. To seek help in times of need takes guts because you are admitting that you need to further strengthen your resolve. Talk to someone, there’s no shame in it. Take your medicine, because you need it just as much as a diabetic needs insulin. Take care of yourself, because you cannot help others if you are not in good form; when there’s an emergency on an airplane they always tell you to put your air mask on first.
Please stay. You are enough. You are not worthless. You are beautiful and special and you matter very much. Your story is important, your contribution to this universe matters and nothing would be the same if you didn’t exist.