I’ve been asking myself that since about two in the morning last Tuesday. I haven’t slept much since then, as my anxiety and my racing thoughts have been running wild across the plains of my mind.
You may be thinking: “Oh you’re a feminist, so you voted for Hilary cause she’s a woman.” or “This is just another post where a whiny millennial didn’t get their way.” or even better: “Trump won, get over it–it’s not the end of the world.”
Maybe not the end of your world. Why? Because you, you who feel like Washington has turned it’s back on you. You who feel that our capital needed to be “shaken up.” I get it, truly I do. You were tired of the same old politics, and the corruption.
So you elected someone you thought would change that. You practiced your right to vote, I’m not condemning you for something that so many people don’t have the liberty of not doing. To be honest you have the right to stop reading this now, this is America and freedom to do what you damn well please is a blessing. But if you don’t stop reading, if your curiosity is peaked, then I want to state this:
These are my opinions, this is my blog, and I will exercise my right to say what I want and how I feel. Feel free to leave a comment, but know that you won’t change my mind.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let me start by saying that yes I did vote for Hilary Clinton, no I didn’t do it because she was a woman, yes I consider myself to be liberal in some sense, no I don’t believe all Republicans are evil, and yes I am a feminist. There, now let us dive in to why I am wondering what has become of our country.
I am a survivor of sexual assault. I was assaulted just five months after the death of my mother. I am a survivor of suicidal thoughts, and I have PTSD, severe depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. I struggle every single day to find a reason to get out of bed and to keep living. Now my nation, my home, has told me that I am less of a person because I am female, because I have a mental illness, because I stand in solidarity with those who are “different.”
Why do I feel this way you may ask, to which I respond: “How can I feel any different?” Look at his campaign, all I saw was a complete and total disregard for women. I can’t respect someone who says “Grab em’ by the pussy, they’ll let you do anything.” or something along those lines. To the men I ask you: What if he was talking about your daughter? Or your mother? Sister? Aunt? Girlfriend? You must have at least one woman in your life that you care about. If there isn’t then you are excused from reading the rest of this.
Imagine how I must feel. For most of my adult life I was ashamed of what happened to me, why? When someone molests you, you go through what is called a “grooming” period. This means that they are basically gaining your trust, making you believe that everything is okay. They make you believe that it is you who is in the wrong, not them.
Add that to the cesspool of how we as a society treats sexual assault, it’s not easy. A fact sheet from the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault states this:
Not all survivors find it necessary to report sexual assault to the criminal justice system in order to move forward from their experience. In fact, some feel that the criminal justice system re-victimizes them in its process. Some survivors find that the services provided by a rape crisis and recovery center or similar provider are the only services they feel comfortable pursuing. While measuring rates of sexual violence can be difficult, there is no uncertainty in the national data that the majority of sexual assaults are never reported to police.
It is believed that only 15.8 to 35 percent of all sexual assaults are reported to the police.
Due partially to low reporting rates, only 9 percent of all rapists get prosecuted. Only 5 percent of cases lead to a felony conviction. Only 3 percent of rapists will spend a day in prison. The other 97 percent walk free.
The report goes on to list why people, particularly women, do not report sexual assault:
Survivors cite the following reasons for not reporting a sexual assault:
• Fear of reprisal
• Personal matter
• Reported to a different official
• Not important enough to respondent
• Belief that the police would not do anything to help
• Belief that the police could not do anything to help
• Did not want to get offender in trouble with law
• Did not want family to know
• Did not want others to know
• Not enough proof
• Fear of the justice system
• Did not know how
• Feel the crime was not “serious enough”
• Fear of lack of evidence
• Unsure about perpetrator’s intent
Society is quick to point the finger at any other criminal but a rapist. In a report done by CNN, it is actually scary as to why women do not report their offenders. This tweet sums it up perfectly I think:
Because people require proof, even for children, and accuse us of lying or wanting attention when we did nothing wrong #WhyWomenDontReport
That is why those women didn’t report until just a few months ago. That is why I am so upset that a sexual predator is now in charge of our nation. How can I feel safe now? I’m scared to even walk down the street, I’m scared for my female friends, for my sister, young girls…I am legitimately terrified.
I honestly don’t know what else to say, I’m hurt by this decision and I need time to heal; as do the rest of us. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way when 97% of rapists walk free. So if you do feel this way, if you are upset and hurt–I am here to validate you. I want you to know that there are people who feel the same way.
So what do we do now?
We Speak up.
I am not one to stand before a crowd and profess my beliefs, but I am one who will take up the pen and use it to fight.
So let us rise.